The Helicopter Parent Goes To College
Posted by casey on 10-10-2008
Everyone knew a few parents back in grade school who would stay up all night doing a science project or typing up a book report for their lazy, time management-challenged child. Now those kids have grown up and instead of enlisting the help of parents for school assignments they’re asking for assistance with college applications. And parents are more than willing to help.
From The Boston Globe:
April Chase-Lubitz of East Greenwich, Rhode Island, is serving as chief researcher as her daughter Lily heads into her senior year at the Moses Brown School in Providence. “I am on the computer looking up schools, what programs they offer, what extracurriculars, and what the review sites say about them,” says April. For the schools in which Lily expressed interest, April created a chart showing the student body size, the percentage of students with Lily’s SAT scores who got accepted last year, and Lily’s impressions after a visit.
There are a few problems with this. First, if parents have such a huge role in the college search, how much of the final college decision will be based on their opinions? How great for April to have her mom design a handy little chart that will help her keep Harvard separate from Yale separate from NYU, right? Wrong! Would you want your parents’ biases channeled into your four years at university?
Secondly, I understand needing a parent’s help on a science project (I, for one, was completely unable to create anything that resembled a scientific marvel in the forth grade… and today) in grade school, but still asking for parental help a few months prior to college? There is a lot to be said for independence, and while the bulk of that will come after the college move, kids should be making baby steps, like filling out their own school apps and weighing their own options. What’s next, parents taking the SAT for their needy teens?
Categorized under: Collegians, Education
October 10th, 2008 at 5:44 pm
Great post on helicopter parenting today! While being close to one’s parents and having their help and guidance in the college selection process can be invaluable, ultimately, the college has to be the right fit for the student and his or her goals. Not to mention, going through the whole process enhances skills and provides opportunities for tremendous personal growth. However, parents cover up to 48 percent of college expenses (http://www.salliemae.com/content/dreams/pdf/AP-Report.pdf) and that bill continues to grow. The financial investment demands parents be a part of the process, if for nothing else, to ensure that their student is getting everything possible from such a huge investment for the future. While no parent should do the brunt of the work (including completing apps and essays), they are a necessary part of the equation for most students.
Thanks for keeping the spotlight on young people!
October 10th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
so I’m embarrassed to say when college time came around 7 years ago I let my parents do most of the work.
For what ever reason I just was not super interested. I knew I would go some where and my grades were not ivy league and we could not afford something super expensive and they all just seemed the same. I’m not sure why I was so anti.
I applied to Rowan, The College of New Jersey and Rutgers (because every one in NJ gets in to Rutgers).
I did all the applications myself. And eventually got in to TCNJ. College was awesome for me and it all worked out.
sine then I have visited a lot of colleges and have never felt one would have been cooler to go to then then another. I kind of feel you can’t know if you will like a place till you go there.
I still have not thought enough about this story to glean any incite. Perhaps I was just a dumb kid. But either way maybe this story will help some one else.
October 11th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Parents have a lot invested in their child. They want this child to do well because the parent knows the difficulty adults face in the work world. The unfortunate result is the parent prevents the student from the experiences that teach what a student cannot learn in a classroom. This is done with the best of intentions but college and even high school is more than the academics. Life learning comes often from failure and struggle. For a FREE eBook on “Parenting College Students: 27 Winning Strategies for Success” go to http://www.collegeworks101.com
October 26th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
This article raises something I’ve been wanting to rant about for a while…The theories on helicopter parents are interesting, but far from clear. In 20 years in college admissions I’ve never had a time when some overbearing parents didsn’t make all the decisions for their children, including filling out applications for them. Considering the rapidly escalating cost of college, and years of evidence that parental involvement has a huge correlation with student success, how can we be surprised? Would any parent let a 17 year old negotiate their own ne car purchase, select a car without their input, sign for their own loans. Instead of whining about parental involvement, maybe instead we need to seek BETTER ways for so called helicopter parents to remain involved. Bear in mind, for the most part, students WANT their parents engaged. Years of becoming friends with our children seem to have successfully changed the dynamic. As incredibly busy as our students are, as we get them into every increasing IB and AP programs in an apparent effort to complete college BEFORE a student even gets out of high school, is it any wonder that parents would want to help out by “facilitating” the application process?
So…students want them involved, parents want to be involved, we’ve been telling parents to be involved, and students really don’t have the time needed we’re trying to solve?
December 15th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
Dad, I am 18! Why are you treating me like a baby in front of my friends? I had heard this question a lot of times in my life, Baby did you eat something? Oh God my cousin is tired of this. How different this article sounds from my personal life, this is what I heard when I want to go out to somewhere: “NO!” by my daddy…But he is no the one who pays my bills and the on who guves me money for college!! but I live with him…I wish you to publish something about this to print out the paper and give it to my daddy!!
This article helped me to do my essay thank you!