Why Can't We Be Friends?
- August 15th, 2008
- 2 Comments
I’m in downtown Charlotte, NC, where I gave two talks yesterday to librarians on “totally wired” teens and tweens. I’m looking forward to seeing more of Charlotte this afternoon before returning to San Francisco, and was pretty blown away by their library. I was happy to spend time with Ypulse reader Kelly Czarneck, who is very active in her library’s groundbreaking efforts in Teen Second Life. She shared a project she has been working on (with Global Kids) with incarcerated youth in SL as well. In the Q&A part of the session, one of the librarians mentioned an article, which sounded a bit like this story that I linked to the other day in Essentials about teachers/educators friending students on social networks. The question was whether or not this is a “good” thing. In some ways, it’s similar to the issue of parents friending teens on these sites, which I commented on in this AP story the other week.
I don’t think there is an easy answer to this one—are there benefits to being a teen’s friend on these sites if they let you? Of course, it’s easier to reach them (since they’re checking them more frequently than email) and to see how they are defining their identity/interests/expressing themselves to their peers [i.e. getting to know them better]. For some teens, it’s no big deal to friend adults, including their parents. The challenge or where this gets tricky is when a teacher/educator abuses this access or does something inappropriate (rare, but it happens leading unions and legislators to want to ban this type of contact), or when teachers/educators see risky behavior (from that teen or their friends) or read about something that went down between teens that was not really meant for them to see. Suddenly you [the educator or parent] are in a position where you will be compelled to get involved, i.e. talking to another teen’s parents, reporting something to the school or authorities, etc. You’re suddenly a voyeur into what danah boyd has called “the most social of social spaces” for teens/younger people—and you’re not their peer.
The easiest way for educators to avoid some of these issues, is to create a library profile or join with other teachers and create a homework help profile on MySpace or a group on Facebook with a way for teens to friend you, yet keep the bulk of their profiles private from you. This way you can communicate with them where they hang out, but limit how much you see as well as how much they see of your personal profile. Another option is to use IM as a way to make yourself available at specific times as a resource as well as using opt-in text messaging to send reminders (just make sure not to overdo it, especially since lots of teens have limits). If other folks have thoughts on this issue, feel free to share. I don’t have all the answers, but this is definitely a policy area within schools and libraries that will evolve over time. Feel free to share your thoughts/opinions on this in the comments!
Kinda sorta related:
For those of you who have heard me give my talk, you know my mantra is “educate don’t legislate” which is why I think this new CA cyberbullying legislation is a bad move.
Heard your talk yesterday in Charlotte. Your talk was great!
In this post and in Charlotte you suggested that adults should not become “friends” to the teens in their lives.
I have had a totally different experience. I chose not to be involved in MySpace or Facebook, until the kids I served asked me if I would be their friend. I told them, “I don’t have an account.” After looking at me with disgust, one sat me down and helped me create a page.
I have several of my former library kids as friends and they are still quite uninhibited in what they post and write. I do comment at times on the language and the content, especially when it could be used in a negative manner later, but for the most part I do with them on line what I do with them in real life—listen.
They don’t expect me to agree or like everything they put up, but they do expect me to be that trusted adult in their lives who is not a parent or a teacher.
YA librarians have a very different relationship with young people than teachers. They come to us becaue they want to, not because they have to. That makes a big difference in what kind of “friend” an adult is.
Hey Lori! Glad you enjoyed the talk. You know, it has to be a judgment call, for some folks in positions of authority over teens, i.e. teachers maybe some librarians, seeing them interact with friends and share something related to drinking, drug use, etc. or reading bulletins about parties happening when someone’s parent is out of town:) may put you in an awkward position. Again for a lot of teens, they view this as their social space. That said, it depends on the teen, your relationship and how comfortable you are making these kinds of judgment calls. By encouraging the teens you are friends with to manage their privacy settings and profiles, you can still connect without having to “see it all.”