It's Alright [For Guys] To Hug
Posted by anastasia on 05-28-2009
Yesterday one of the OpEd editors from the New York Times asked me to comment on how teen rituals spread and alluded to hugging as an example — it was very last minute and I didn't realize our short comments were packaged with an entire story devoted to teen hugging. After reading the article, what stood out to me as being really new is straight male teens being more comfortable with showing this sort of physical affection towards other guys.
At the girls school I briefly attended in Nashville, hugs were commonplace, along with Southern accented squeals of "Oh my god! It's so great to see you!" even though we just saw each other an hour ago. As a couple of the teen hugging detractors in the Times piece said, sometimes this sort of gratuitous hugging can feel somewhat superficial or just for show. But with guys, not so much. This was the 80s, when even our beloved John Hughes movies contained a homophobic slur or two. Fear of being labeled gay as a teen guy was rampant and real.
Apart from all of the speculation offered in the story about why hugging has proliferated in schools — wired teens wanting to connect in more "real" ways, growing up hyper-organized and loyal to the group, changing boundaries of touch since the 70s, I would argue that the greater level of acceptance of gays and lesbians in the culture at large and especially within youth culture has freed up teen guys to feel more comfortable showing affection.
Obviously there is still discrimination and bullying of gay and lesbian teens, but there is also more tolerance, gay-straight alliances and a higher degree of gay and lesbian visibility in YA books, television and film than ever before. I also believe that the changing role of fathers in our culture — being more involved with their kids, and certainly showing more affection than perhaps their fathers did, is liberating young guys as well. And finally, the acceptance of the "meterosexual" guy or straight males who are more in touch with their feminine side, at least when it comes to fashion and grooming, has also helped to loosen up gender roles.
As for schools cracking down on hugging or even banning it from the hallways — I can think of a lot bigger issues to focus on (bullying/violence, dropout rates, etc.), can't you?
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May 28th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
In some ways, it's also reminiscent of other group of teens that embraced "free love" shortly after dramatic world events in the 1960's and 1970's. Not discounting that social norms have shifted, the teens of this generation were children just a few short years ago during 9/11. Comfort, safety. These are just some of the things expressed by hugs. This also coincides with the rise in sales of comfort foods in the past few years as the world economy has gotten worse, the threat of violence seems ever-present, and many don't know how long they'll be gainfully employed. Wouldn't you want a hug too?
May 28th, 2009 at 6:48 pm
School officials shouldn't stop teenagers from hugging regardless of whether the school officials have other issues to deal with.
It's a matter of freedom and positive socializing.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:41 am
I saw this on NBC Nightly News last night and thought that this was the stupidest thing I had heard coming from school boards in a long time — well maybe since Monday.
Here in NC, the legislature is rightfully passing a law banning bulling in schools, but we have some good people wanting to leave out sexual orientation. It's not okay to bully the short, blind, smart kid unless he is also gay.
Each night I pray that I am delivered from well-meaning people who are "doing this for the health and safety of the children."