Helicopter Parents Gone Wild
Posted by anastasia on 08-09-2007My first roommate at Antioch College really missed her best friend. She missed her so much she would make tape recordings talking about her day and mail them back home to Minnesota or one of the M states. This was in addition to constantly hogging the payphone in the dorm for marathon late night chats with her BFF. She never quite warmed up to me (maybe that was a good thing). I ultimately moved to the quieter, substance free dorm. It wasn't that I was completely substance free, but I was a 20-year-old transfer student and actually wanted to study. I wonder what this best-friend obsessed roommate's Facebook would have looked like. Maybe it would have been plastered with photos of the two of them — so many that MY MOM would have seen a big red flag and called the housing office to complain? I don't think so. But that was the early 90s.
Today's parents are evidently checking out their son or daughter's assigned roommate's Facebook profile and complaining to student housing! From this disturbing article in USA Today:
About a dozen other colleges contacted by USA TODAY report similar complaints. And this may be just the beginning: Some schools already have mailed roommate assignments for fall, but many more say they will be sending them out in the next few weeks.
Housing officials say parents who cite Facebook most frequently mention party-related content and photos as their primary concerns. Parents sometimes see cups in photos and make the leap to alcohol and drugs, Manetas says.
But Robin Berkowitz-Smith of Syracuse University says race, religion and sexual orientation are the top three concerns from parents contacting officials there.
Maureen Wark of Suffolk University in Boston also ranked sexual orientation as a top concern of parents. Wark recalls getting a call from a parent who had "psychological and sanitary concerns" about a student's new roommates, both of whom were gay men.
What is it about leaving the nest that these parents don't understand? Part of growing up and becoming an adult means being able to resolve your own roommate conflicts. Parents pro-actively intervening before students even get to campus does not help young people learn how to deal in a world where they will always encounter people who are different. And if your roommate's nuts? You march over to the housing office and request a new roommate. Kids have done it for ages, I think this generation can do it, too. And it worries me that some parents aren't even giving them the chance.
Categorized under: Collegians, Web
August 9th, 2007 at 8:39 am
Reminds me of my 1st roomie in uni back in '97, the only person I know who could sleep with Cannibal Corpse or some other inane death metal at volume level 7, while simultaneously snoring and letting wind.
Needless to say, my trek to the housing office mimicked yours :) (and thank god Facebook hasn't embedded odors… yet…)
August 9th, 2007 at 9:04 am
You really need to learn to fight your own battles at some point. Everyone has a horrible roommate at some point — it at least gives you some good stories to tell later on. College and living on your own isn't supposed to be easy; It's what makes you grow as a person and appreciate everything your parents used to do for you.
I know parents who have gone as far as to pack a student's things for them, help them unpack when they get their, make sure they have copies of their schedule, secure parking spots for them and speak with the other roommate's parents before hand to make sure "everyone was on the same page."
Cut the cord!
August 9th, 2007 at 9:10 am
I agree with the "Helicopter Parents" on this one.
Who wants to spend thousands of dollars on college for one's kid to have a roommate who may undermine studying?
August 10th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Are you sure it's the parents butting in? It's much more likely that the kids are looking at their future roommate's Facebook profile (which is the first thing I'd do) and then complaining about it to their parents. "Mom, will you call the school. My roommate looks freaky." It's always easier to have your parents look like the bad guy.
Btw, I've been reading your blog all summer for work, and it has been a tremendous help!
August 10th, 2007 at 12:16 pm
Hi Stu. I was going off the USA Today article, which definitely made it sound like the parents. From the lead: "As housing officials at colleges around the country send out roommate assignments to freshmen this summer, a growing number of schools say they're getting more requests for changes — from parents who don't like the roommates' Facebook profiles."
August 18th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
Absolutely, and I certainly didn't mean it as a criticism. I just think that the story behind the story is that teens are looking up their future roommates and complaining to their parents.
The thing about Facebook is that the parents wouldn't even be able to look at the future roommate's profile unless they were "friends" with the future roommate on Facebook (and that also assumes the parent has a facebook profile in the first place!). And even if the parent did have a profile and tried to friend their child's future roommate, it would be really weird to the kid, who may or may not accept.
I think what I"m really trying to get at is that it would be really difficult for the parent to physically look at the future roommate's page without their child being the one to show it to them. I think there's more consulting going on between kids and parents before phone calls are made than the article is giving credit; so I'm just not sure it's just parents butting in as you suggested.
August 19th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Hi Stu — I just said the parents checked their kid's roommate's profiles — I didn't say how. So even if they are talking about it together, I think my point still holds that it's the student's responsibility to deal with student housing, or a bad grade, or negotiating a raise at their first job, etc. and that the helicopter parents who do this for them are indeed hovering too close…
August 21st, 2007 at 2:44 pm
Parents need to learn to cut the umbilical cord. Not letting their kids fight their own battles is the worst thing that they can do.
I had a roommate who belonged on the Jerry Springer show. He never took a shower, smoked 2 packs of cigarettes per day, and drank cheap nasty beer in large quantities. Furthermore, he had a GF who also never took a shower, refused to socialize with anybody other than loser roommate BF,and spent 7 hours per day in our room. Our dorm room smelled more like a locker room.
I found another roommate real quick-no phone calls crying to Mommy and Daddy were necessary.
How can we expect Universities to train America's future leaders if they can't learn to resolve roommate or grade issues on their own??